Soap Box

The Chris Brown - Rhianna story is all over the tv right now, and everyone is condemning Rhianna for returning to the man who beat her. It's easy to sit here, on the other side of the table and say leave, and destroy cd's, remove posters and songs, and say "because you're a star, you're suppose to think of me and the message you're sending me first" or "leave, he's never going to change, just leave". THe thing is, if you've been there - think about when you were there, would those things have worked on you? Why would you think they would work on anyone else? And why are you only now saying something about your abuse? Why not work consistantly towards educating people?

I am a survivor of abuse. I am no longer a victim, but I was. And I didn't leave and I didn't leave and I didn't leave. I was told by the church, by society, by my family, that good girls don't get a divorce. That divorce is always wrong. My child and I will go to hell because I failed at my marriage. I. I failed it. Not him, not his actions, but me. I failed because I wasn't good enough. The thing is, I would never have been good enough. Never. And I still didn't leave. These same people would have turned a blind eye to the motherless child who would have been raped and abused by the person who should've protected her unless presented with her image. And then they would have scorned and shamed and condemned my dead body for not leaving this same man.

I finally got the courage to leave when my child was threatened. It took that threat to finally get me out of there. His indifference to her severe illness. I couldn't leave for me, I could leave for her. And I did. It's taken years for me to work through things. I have deliberately chosen abuse as a topic in speeches and papers for school with the hope that the signs will be recogonized, that behaviors will be seen, that courage will be gained and help saught. I hope it has helped, I think it has. It will make things uncomfortable, because it's a dirty little secret that everyone will know. But, it's time. Just as soldiers should no longer be punished for seeking help for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), abuse survivors shouldn't hide in closets, afraid to speak out because they don't want to continue to be seen as a victim, or are ashamed, or whatever.

When the abuse just happens, you aren't necessarily capable thinking about anyone else and what their perception of you and your situation is. Yes, Rhianna, needs help, she needs counseling.